You said to take what I wanted
by Cid Dante
Summary: Set before the final fight with Sephiroth. Vincent and Cid spend the night together thinking about why they are fighting for the planet. Vincent begins to realise that he wishes for something more with the captain... vin/cid
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Squaresoft/ Squareenix or Final fantasy.**

**There is some harsh language from the good captain**

**Vincent's pov...**

It was possibly our last night alive on this insane planet and somehow, I found myself in his company. It wasn't anything planned, I didn't have anywhere else to go and it seemed neither did he.

Any conversation that normally flowed so easily between us seemed to have stopped and we sat in silence. The patrons of the pub in the Costa del Sol gave us a wide...well, gave me the wide berth. That seemed to amuse my companion, he just looked at me and took a rather long swig of the vile concoction he had decided to drink for the evening. He sat across from me and his legs rested to my right on the seat cushions. I had noticed the sand on the dark boots he wore and for once, he was without his blue flight jacket. He still had his goggles though, the candle on the table barely making a reflection in the glass.

I knew that he would only regret the decision of drinking so heavily tonight in the morning but right now, it was possibly the last drink the guy would ever have so I allowed him to indulge. I gave myself the luxury of an old bottle wine, but in all honesty, how many of the other members of our little group would really stay sober this evening?

"...why aren't you heading to Rocket Town?" I asked after I had grown weary of the silence between us, the silences had became more frequent since he had been placed as our temporary leader those long weeks back.

Cid said nothing but gave me a slow one sided smile. His cigarette rested on the ashtray as it slowly burned itself away. Blue eyes watched the candle on the table flicker and blinked just as slowly as he had smiled. To those who didn't know him, they might have thought he was drunk or stoned out his mind but he just seemed...to me at least...tired. His eyes drifted to my claw and the look seemed to intensify to mild interest.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" though I didn't seem to feel as annoyed as I used to when people looked at it.

The damn smile was still there though, "The candlelight looks pretty cool on your hand..."

I hated it when he would use normal human terms for me. He never referred to my metal claw as what it was, it was always my hand. Didn't he realize that it wasn't a hand anymore? It was a mechanical device, a torture implement that Hojo had given me as part of my punishment for touching his Lucrecia.

"Any particular reason as to why the fucker took your left hand?" Cid asked one of his rare and direct questions about my past, he hadn't even inquired about it, even when it was obvious that Yuffie and Cait Sith were busting at the seams to tell him.

"...it's the hand where people have a wedding band," I found myself trying to think of the reason myself, "he didn't want me finding love."

I didn't really believe that myself but I didn't want the silence to fall back over us again so I had said the first thing that had popped into my head, whether it was true or not. I hated silence. I had enough of it over thirty years in that coffin, stuck in the basement of the mansion.

The former Shinra pilot looked at the metal claw I had and then back at me, "So if he wanted to affect your heart, the hell didn't he take it? Pretty hard to love someone if ya don't have one."

I laughed, it made no sense but I think it was the drink talking for his normally quite reasonable mind. If Hojo really didn't want me to be happy, then why did he let me live? Why put the creatures in my body in an attempt to destroy it only for them to heal me when they are called back?

"Damned if I know," I responded after a few moments, "why are you so interested in my past all of a sudden?"

That smile came back, "I ain't. Just wanna know what subjects I can talk about before you get in one of your broody moody sulks."

"One of my sulks?"

"Hmm," he nodded as he stood up to head to the bar, leaving me alone with my thoughts for a few moments.

I hated how he would do that when he was with another member of AVALANCHE, say something and then walk way from them. The looks of confusion and anger would stay on the faces as they were left. I had watched him do that to the woman he had lived with after we had returned to the planet from the launch of the rocket.

When would that woman finally snap and growl at the blonde pilot? What would be the result and who would be the one smarting from the attack? Cid though had been getting more subdued over the past few weeks, as though whatever energy he had had been drained.

It was understandable, I was tired. We all were but Cid hadn't really stopped commanding the team, even though Cloud has returned from his leave of absence. Our young and valiant leader seemed to lean on the older blonde for support for the first few days and even now, I doubt Cloud could do what he had planned if Cid isn't there.

I was about to say something in regards to the sulk comment but he interrupted me before I had the chance.

"You're awfully quiet..." Cid stated as he placed a beer in front of me, he sat closer than what he had done previously and I decided that I actually enjoyed the accidental sharing the body heat.

I leaned forward, my long hair finally coming in use as I kept my slight smile away from him. I gave him a sideways glance and shook my head. Didn't he realize by now that I am always quiet, that it was who I was.

"That's who I..." he interrupted me before I could finish.

"Fuck that, no it ain't. Stop being what Hojo wants you to be," he sounded annoyed as he took a sip of his drink and seemed to sulk for a few seconds.

Stop being what Hojo wanted me to be? I was a Turk a long time ago, I couldn't stop being one. Being quiet was part of me and I couldn't be loud if I tried. We had the silence drummed into us at training, if we were caught making a noise during our training, then we were heavily disciplined. In cold weather, my right shoulder would seize up due to some rather over zealous instructor dislocating it on three separate occasions.

"Why don't you just grab life by the damn crown jewels and take what you want," he piped up, "you deserve it. Hell, we might not be here at the end of the week."

The end of the week...seven days. It would take seven days for the destructive force of Meteor to blast the planet into bite size pieces and for Sephiroth to get his insane wish of wanting to become a god. Hojo had really out done himself on creating a real evil villain. All he needed was a theme tune and we'd have a soap opera in the making.

He told me to grab life and to take what I want, if I did that tonight, I doubted I would get to see the end of the week. I didn't even know why I but I had found myself attracted to the man next to me. I didn't understand it, I wasn't gay but there was something about my companion that entranced me.

"I'm not the one who's quiet. You haven't been yourself since Corel," I tried to turn the conversation back to him, I preferred talking about his own past rather than mine.

Not one of the group really knew anything about the blonde captain. Cait Sith shared no information with me and Shera refused to spill any secrets when we had stayed in the town. He would share only small snippets of his past but nothing concrete, he had told Cloud that he had fallen asleep during Loveless when he had first been interviewed for a pilot.

I felt him tense as soon as I mentioned Corel, that could have been a rather nasty affair if Lady Luck had bailed on us. Amazingly, Cid had stopped the train from crashing and save an entire town. What kind of response would I get if I mentioned Fort Condor? We had near enough the entire Shinra army knocking on the front door and we fought off every one of them. That was another close call.

Perhaps Fort Condor was the big neon sign that told the group that our leader of the moment was having trouble and that he wasn't his usual loud self? I wanted to tell him to relax and to chill out.

I thought we would have had that chance when he had suddenly announced that we going to check on Cloud and Tifa after Corel but as soon as we had got there, we had been plunged into battle with the huge form of Weapon. Cid had watched the destruction of the hot spring town and I had never seen our captain so lost and quiet.

"...does it matter now? Ain't tonight all about us thinking about our reasons for staying in on this crazy shit?" he muttered as he sipped his drink.

"So why are you drinking with me? Head home to Rocket Town," I stated as I leaned back, "Go and talk to Shera. She's mad about you."

I watched as he pulled his goggles down around his neck, giving him a chance to run both hands through his hair unhindered. He looked younger than he was, his bangs falling over his forehead and I found myself staring at him with something other than friendship.

The feeling I had though, I pushed down into the back of my mind. I didn't want to break this wondrous little friendship I had managed to salvage up, if I acted on impulse as I would have done in my early Turk days, I would have been drinking my meals through a straw for a couple of weeks.

"Shera...yeah...she is but," words had never seemed to fail the captain before but now, it was like he couldn't find any he wanted to use. He kept stopping and starting.

"Too much has happened...it just wouldn't work out," he managed, "I mean...I love 'er but I ain't in love with the damn girl."

"Is there anyone you would consider as special in your life?" I ran my right hand through my hair, unsure why I had just asked that. Well, I did, but I think I didn't want to readily admit it.

I kinda hoped there wasn't but life had never really been that nice to me, I almost hoped the next words out of his mouth would be 'well, actually, would you believe it if I said it was you,' but I told myself to get a steady grip on reality. It was never likely to happen this side of the millennium.

Blue eyes looked at me, losing that dreamlike state he had been in for the best part of the night. His lips quirked into a confused smile before settling into one that looked like he had seen a world of sadness and was seeing it happen for a second time.

"No...ain't anybody shown interest in me," he admitted slowly, "aint exactly what most good folks say as lovable."

Didn't he realize that he was lovable? He could be rough around the edges but it meant nothing to those who really cared about him. Shera would walk through hot coals for him and so would I. If he asked, I would gladly tell him that but it seemed that we weren't allowed to have that asked.

"TIME GENTLEMEN!" the barman called out to the patrons, it surely couldn't have been that late, was it?

Cid frowned as he stood up, "Come on. Let's hit another bar."

I copied the move but didn't frown. I was still querying the last statement he had said. Nobody had shown interest in him? Was he blind? I had seen Tifa flirt with him and various girls along our travels had pretty much sat in his lap and offered themselves without hesitation and he had turned them down.

He took hold of my metal wrist and began to lead me out of the bar, there wasn't anywhere else we could go to get a drink and the captain's personal moonshine stash was back on the airship. That stuff I swear was used to clean the engines of the rocket and the Highwind. I couldn't really be bothered making my way there but I simply allowed Cid to lead me to wherever he wanted.

"Where are we going?" I asked as he never let go of my wrist, "As much as I like blind dates, this is pretty weird."

Cid stopped suddenly, making me crash into him. He turned round and looked at me with a funny look. His blue eyes catching the moonlight and I found myself wanting to look into them for the rest of the night. I wanted to hear his voice the way it had been back before he had seen the horrors that AVALANCHE had been through.

"...well, isn't that part of this fucking job description?" the captain offered as he turned to head back round to where ever he was leading us.

One of the good things about being in the sun resort of Costa Del Sol was the beach was only a few feet away from the bar and it seemed that was to be our destination. He didn't say a word but he gave me a few sneaky glances when he thought I wasn't looking though if he was smiling or not, I missed it.

Cid stopped on the sand and let go of my wrist. He looked and pointed up to the stars and smiled, I should have looked up then but I was to busy trying to memorize his profile. It looked different without the goggles on his head. The stars could wait for one more night.

"Cid...why are we here?" I wrapped my cloak around my frame, the heat of the beach had long since left the area, "How bout we head back into the warmth and get some sleep."

"Is that really important right now? I mean...who the hell would care if we didn't do this? Can't we just get absolutely wrecked for the next seven days?" he asked as he sat down on the sand.

Of course it was important, we were going to save the planet. Complete the prayer that Aeris had started and that Sephiroth was stopping. The people of the planet would care, the rest of AVALANCHE would and I sure as hell care.

I sat down beside him and placed an arm around him, surprised at my own actions but I became more so when Cid leaned into me. I put it down to him being cold but was it something else? Did he feel the same way as I did or was this far more innocent than I wanted it to be?

"You know," I whispered, enjoying hearing him breath and not ask questions for a few moments, "people are interested in you."

His laugh sounded so hollow, "Hmm...interested in fitting me with a damn toe tag."

"When you don't smoke or swear at something," my heart rate must have doubled and how Cid couldn't hear or feel it by then was beyond me, "you are...kinda...cute."

"Cute? Are you calling me cute?" the blonde in my arms right now sounded like he didn't know if he wanted to be angry or confused or flattered by my comment but I had a nervous laugh and a crude joke waiting if he took it the wrong way.

The wrong way being a rejection of my affection towards him and that this peaceful bubble that had covered us tonight would burst and we would be back to where we were a few weeks back. I didn't want that.

"Yeah...I guess I am," I held my breath, waiting for him to strike at me.

He pulled himself away, looking directly into my face. His blue eyes looking everywhere but at my red eyes. Shyness was a suddenly new little quirk that had managed to creep his way into his personality and he looked unsure of himself.

"but...but you're a guy," Cid shook his head, "why...no...I mean...what?"

I shrugged a little, this wasn't going down the way I had planned. Every passing second threatened me with a blow but none came. He simply looked at me with those eyes he had and that unsure look. Did he even realize that he was attractive to other people other than Shera?

"Does it matter? You're cute," I repeated as I stood up, I couldn't force him into doing anything he didn't want to.

I began to make my way back to the hotel we were staying in, I had to stop myself from looking back where I had left him. The statement had been said and I just hoped that he decided to come back to the room with me.

Something in me made me turn round and walk back to the blonde pilot. I knelt down and ever so gently placed a hand on his face, making him look at me. It was rare to see him without a cigarette clenched tightly between his teeth. All Cid did was look at me with confusion and kept his hands to himself.

The line that had been drawn without permission, I decided, would be stepped over. Still didn't stop me from being nervous as hell though as I leaned closer towards him. Our first kiss was rather awkward, of course it was one sided and poor Cid was already confused about the cute comment.

Before I knew it though, it was over and I was pushed roughly onto the sand. Cid was quickly getting to his feet, his face red with either anger or embarrassment, I couldn't tell.

"The hell...? What the fuck?" he sounded breathless, he took a few steps backwards.

The pilot of the Highwind looked at me with betrayal and it hurt. We had been through so much and now I had ruined it by taking something that I wanted. I didn't know how to answer him, all that was left was for me was to go back to the room and lick my wounds in private.

I had been given his answer and I had to respect it, no matter how much I wanted to show him that he was more than cute. Well, to me at least. Handsome, intelligent, one amazing personality that was hard to bury under the mountain of crap that had been thrown at him.

Shakily, I got to my feet and kept my distance from him. If I went closer, he might have struck me on the false assumption that I wanted to kiss him again...though I did. All I wanted tonight was to get what I wanted and to give Cid something I felt he wanted as well. Did it really matter that it was with another man?

"Who the hell gave you the damn right to do that?" he hissed, he made a strangled hissing noise out of frustration as if he was still trying to fight an internal battle that he was losing.

"Are you cracked?" Cid shook his head, running his hand through his hair.

"No. Nobody gave me the right but..." I shrugged, "but didn't you tell me that I should take what I want?"

A dangerous growl came from him, "Take that again and I'll rip your fucking lungs out with a rusty spoon. Why did you kiss me?"

I kissed him because I wanted to. There was no other answer to it, I fancied him. Why did he find that so damn hard to believe?

"Because I'm interested in you. God...I sound like a five year old," I smiled weakly, "I like you, alot. If I could get away with it, I would have jumped your bones every time we shared a room."

Cid said nothing but he walked away from me. The lapping ocean covering his words if he said anything. All I could do was watch as his footprints were quickly eaten by the waves. Had I just blown my friendship with the one man who looked at me as human?

**Cid's pov of that night..**

Our last night alive and I was sitting with the quietest member of our mental ward rejects. Hadn't really decided that I was going to come to the Costa Del Sol bar but I hadn't wanted to go back to my home in Rocket Town and Vincent, it seemed, hadn't wanted to go visiting any relations himself.

The stuff we usually talked about seemed to be pointless and really meaningless so silence seemed to be a good idea. The bums in this place seemed to avoid us like the plague but I knew that Vincent would be thinking it was him they were hiding from. I smirked as I tried to down my drink in one go. My eyes watered slightly but the smokiness of the room seemed to hide it.

Sitting across from Vincent allowed me to monitor his drinking and plus, I liked being able to put my feet up on the comfy seats in the booth we were sitting at. My drink was making me feel sick and I knew that in the morning, Yuffie and Barret best stay out of my way. A hangover on this stuff was certain. What bugged me though was how Vincent had decided just to stick with some fancy ass bottle of wine.

"...why aren't you heading to Rocket Town?" he asked me.

I knew he would have asked that question at some point tonight but I didn't want to answer. I just wanted to sit in silence and get drunk. Not to bother with those annoying and probing thoughts that Cloud wanted us to have right now. I gave him a slow one sided smile, not wanting to admit that the other half of my face still smarted from the kicking that Hojo had given us back in the city.

The painkillers I had taken were slowly making their way through my system and drinking this hellish combination of booze seemed to make the room more fuzzy and warm. How or why the bar staff was still willing to serve me was beyond me, I must have looked stoned.

I was sick of thinking, that's all I had done since I joined this little outfit. I had to think more when I had been placed in temporary command and I hadn't stopped since. The smoke I had lighted no longer held any interest to me so I rested it in the ashtray and for a few seconds, I watched it burn.

The smoke started to irritate my eyes so I decided to look at the flame that was burning on the candle, old social lessons bounced back into mind and Cosmo Canyon sprang into my numbing brain. If the flame went out, then it was bad news for the tribe. The flame was still burning brightly last time I had been there a little over a week ago and maybe, it knew something the rest of us didn't.

Watching the flame got boring after a few seconds so I moved my gaze onto the next shiny object which just happened to Vincent's metal appendage. I caught my own reflection on it and I couldn't help but look more closely.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" he didn't seem to be too bothered about it. I was honoured, he usually went into a strop about it.

I found myself still smiling at him, "The candlelight looks pretty cool on your hand..."

Admitting that I was looking at myself and wondering how the hell I had managed to turn into him wasn't something I could readily do in a hurry. Anyhow, I knew how much it bugged him when I called the metal limb his hand but I knew it was. So what if it look different from mine or the rest of the human race. I didn't care, he was Vincent to me and he would always be Vincent.

I decided to pry a little into his past, something that I rarely did. I wasn't really much of a nosy git but I had to admit that he was kind of an interesting guy. He didn't go around blaring his past around and he seemed sometimes to go to great lengths to try and hide it.

"Any reason as to why the fucker took your left hand?"

He answered after a couple of long moments, "...it's the hand where people have a wedding band. He didn't want me finding love."

I looked at the claw again and then back into his red eyes, "So if he wanted to affect your heart, the hell didn't he take it? Pretty hard to love someone if ya don't have one."

He took me by surprise for a couple of seconds as he laughed. I didn't know if I should be offended or enjoy the moment. He hardly ever laughed in public and he covered his mouth. Very much like the way Sephiroth had done when he had scared the shit out of me, Tifa and Cloud back in the burning of Nibelhiem, right before Cloud went loco on us.

After his little laugh, he responded, "Damned if I know. Why are you so interested in my past all of a sudden?"

Why was I interested in his past or was it because that right now, he was my only companion for the night and it would be pretty weird if somebody didn't say something. He was the only member of the group that I really got along with and who seemed willing to put up with my snoring when we were shoved into the same bed.

I smiled at him again, "I ain't. Just wanna know what subjects I can talk about before you get in one of your broody moody sulks."

"One of my sulks?" he asked.

"Hmm," I nodded. I stood up to head to the bar to get more drink.

Something was happening between us and I couldn't figure out what. Was I still supposed to be playing team leader right now or was it something else? If anything, I was so tired and I couldn't be bothered playing guessing games or making Vincent feel better about himself tonight. Cloud had told us to go and find out our reasons.

I couldn't think of why I wanted to fight but I just knew that I had to. If Cloud lost his fragile grip then who would be there to lead the way, to take command and ensure victory? Our little brave leader seemed to need more assurance than what he had done before he lost Aeris and even just before he ended up in the funny farm.

When I returned, he was still staring into his wine glass. He was being more tight lipped than he normally was and it was getting a little creepy. At first, I liked the silence, gave me a little time to figure out why I was doing this crackerjack mission and why I even allowed Vincent to share in my self reproaching.

"You're awfully quiet..." I interupted just as he opened his mouth to say something.

Returning back to my original seat seemed to be to much hassle so I settled myself a little too closely to my drinking partner for the night but I ignored the weird feeling and placed a beer in front of him. I would make him drink at least one manly drink.

Vincent leaned forward, now he wanted to pretend he was shyer than he looked. I caught the look he gave me and the shake of his head. Strange little action for him, was he tipsy or did he just enjoy confusing everybody with him?

"That's who I..."

He wasn't going to pull this crap now was he? It bugged the hell outta me when he did that. He didn't seem to be the kind of guy who was quiet, I'd been out drinking with Turks and they were anything but quiet.

"Fuck that, no it ain't. Stop being what Hojo wants you to be," keeping annoyance out of my voice was hard but I knew that I couldn't sit by and let him continue on with his self hatred and suppressing his personality.

"Why don't you grab life by the damn crown jewels and take what you want. You deserve it. Hell, we might not even be here at the end of the week," saying might was easier than the alternative. 'Yeah...we might be here or we might not but I sure as hell ain't going to say that we won't be. I'm sure we'll pull something out of the bag before the end.'

The arrogant little bastard now decided to turn the tables on me, "I'm not the one who's quiet. You haven't been yourself since Corel."

I couldn't help but tense at the mention of that dusty little town we had been to a little over a month weeks. I had nearly caused the destruction of it and I still hadn't really came to terms with it yet. I had jumped off a speeding train right onto another, fought a couple of heart stopping battles and then I had the fun job of trying to stop the train we were on.

Fort Condor was another event I was unwilling to talk or even think about. My brain at the time had been so fried from Corel that I had left wide open spaces in our defence and the enemy had made their merry little way right through them. It had been so fucking embarrassing but luckily for me, I got to work out my frustrations on the stupid bastards who crossed my path.

I knew that Fort Condor had been my breaking point in the group and a deaf and blind mute could have picked up on my sudden tiredness but I'd snapped at the doc in Mideel for even suggesting that I take a break. I had been planning on that but low and behold, fucking Weapon had to show his butt ugly face.

There had been bog all I could do as I told the others to leg it out of the crumbling town. Something that I wasn't very proud of, I had to leave Tifa and Cloud behind in the clinic while we ran to the airship. All I could do was watch from the safety of the Highwind to see the town sink into the lifestream and it tore my heart.

"...does it matter now? Ain't tonight all about is thinking about our reasons for staying in on this crazy shit," I muttered mainly to myself as I took a sip of my beer.

Vincent leaned back, "So why are you drinking with me? Go and talk to Shera. She's mad about you."

My head started to pound and it felt like my goggles were threatening to squeeze my skull in two. I pulled them down to my neck and used my hands to rub my scalp quickly. Vincent looked at me with a look that I'd seen Cloud had gave Aeris a couple of times when our blonde idiot leader had thought she wasn't looking.

Anyhow, why did he have to bring her up anyway? I was happy to just forget about her and just get mind numbingly pissed. I knew not to talk about the little wench Lucrecia and how she fucked his life up more than Hojo could ever do.

I knew I had to answer him but how was the difficult part. I wanted to hit him for that, for convincing me to stay with AVALANCHE for as long as I had, for everything that I had been through but it wasn't his fault.

"Shera...yeah...she is but," people who knew me would be wondering how the hell I had managed to lose my amazing grasp on the English language, "too much has happened...it wouldn't work out."

Vincent probably wasn't looking for an answer but I felt I had to give him one, "I mean...I love 'er but I ain't in love with the damn girl."

"Is there anyone you would consider as special in your life?" he ran his flesh hand through his long dark hair.

Somebody special? Not that I could think of. I looked at him, suddenly sobering. Depression decided at that point to hit me like a ton of bricks and I must of lost my stoned expression at that point as I saw his eyes look away. I had to make sure that he didn't think I was some sad loner but the smile I managed to conjure up didn't feel right.

The smile I wanted to give him had been lost right after the death of Aeris and after everything we had been through. I was kinda tempted to start sobbing but I'm a grown man for crying out loud, I just gave him a sad smile.

"No...aint nobody shown interest in me," I said slowly, "aint exactly what most good folks say as lovable."

It was the truth though. I'd been a monster to Shera and most of the people in Rocket Town for over five years. No girl in her right mind would ever wanna date me, my first love was flying. Lady Luck had decided that I was no longer worthy of her graces.

Though it seemed like she was going to give me one last roll as the barman seemed to save my bacon from anymore of Vincent's personal questions. I could have kissed the guy but Bubba was sitting at the bar. Cloud had told me the rather strange stories about that guy from the city...

Still couldn't believe it was that late though, "TIME GENTLEMEN!"

I frowned as I stood up but it was more in pain, "Come on. Let's hit another bar."

He got up and I noticed just how close we had been sitting together. Vincent was just a couple more inches taller than me but he looked taller because of he was so damn skinny. Had the man ever heard of eating?

I grabbed his wrist, making it a point to hold onto the metal one. I don't know why though, didn't know where I was going with him but all the bars had closed for night. Heading back to the room seemed to be a wasted exercise if this was our last night of freedom. Worst case scenario, we head back to the airship and attack the moonshine that I swear I had used to clean the Tiny Bronco's engine with at some point.

"Where are we going?" Vincent asked, "As much as I like blind dates, this is pretty weird."

That made me stop, Vincent bumped into me from behind. Blind date? Is this what he thought this was? I was trying to seduce him? Hell no! I turned round and looked at him as though he had grown two heads and decided to wear a wedding dress. I had to get rid of this creepy feeling.

"...well, aint that part of this fucking job description?" keeping my mind on the destination seemed to be prudent.

I was glad that the beach wasn't that far as the fresh sea air had made the booze and painkiller concoction go straight to my head. I kept my hand on his wrist as a kinda human anchor to this land. I kept giving Vincent looks as he walked silently behind me.

When I decided that we had walked enough, I stopped. Just far enough away from the tide that was totally thrown out of wack due to the gravitational pull of Meteor. I pointed to the stars and smiled, they were the only thing I could really depend on but even now...they weren't going to save me now.

It was cold and I didn't even realise it until Vincent wrapped his red cloak around his far too slender frame, "Cid...why are we here? How bout we head back into the warmth and get some sleep."

I sat down on the cool sand, "Is that really important right now? I mean...who the hell would care if we didn't do this? Can't we just get absolutely wrecked for the next seven days?"

Vincent's mind would probably think over the questions that had thrown out, like the good little former Turk he was. The man was always thinking but he didn't voice any of his questions. He would always over think things and I guess that was part of his problem. I was the opposite...or I had been.

Now I tend to think about things and what I say now, it's flipping frustrating. I just wanna go back to having to worry about what time I hauled my ass back to the rocket but that question. Who the hell would care if we didn't do this, I didn't need him to answer that for me.

The answer was simple. I cared or else I wouldn't even be thinking about it. The rest of AVALANCHE cared, Cloud was doing this for his own personal vendetta against Sephiroth and because he wanted to make sure that Aeris's gift to us didn't go to waste.

Silence fell back between us and I shivered, he must have sensed it as he placed an arm around me. The painkillers I'd taken still made themselves felt and my balance was off. I just went with it and leaned more into him.

Not many of our group knew that Vincent always seemed to smell of spices, how that was, I didn't know. We'd traipsed through cold and wet snow, the desert and the sewers of Midgar and he always came up smelling of spices. It was something that I guess I had came to rely on never changing during our weird relationship.

Even first thing in the morning when we woke up from sleeping on the cold and damp ground, he had that damn spice smell. I would always wake up to him cuddling me or...was it the other way around? I could never be sure but if it made him feel human, then, I couldn't really deny him that.

"You know," he spoke softly, "people are interested in you."

The only people who were interested in me was the damn reaper, "Hmm...fitting me with a damn toe tag."

I probably was one of the few people on this planet that had ever heard Vincent's heart beat so damn fast, it had gotten progressively so over the past couple of minutes. Why was he acting so weird with me?

"When you don't smoke or swear at something," I thought his heart was going to explode out of his chest, "you're...kinda...cute."

My first reaction at that was to pull myself away from him and smack him one but it was just to damn warm. He was calling me cute? Did he even realise who he was talking too? I just placed it down to the fact that the booze he had drank had went to his head.

"Cute? Are you calling me cute?" I didn't understand why he had said that.

"Yeah...I guess I am," he held his breath.

At that, I had to pull myself away from him, wanting to make sure that he wasn't pulling my damn leg. I couldn't cope with that tonight, not that I would be able to do it had it been any other night. Where had he been when I really needed someone to boost my confidence back at Mideel or Corel or Fort Condor? His eyes tried to find mine but I settled on looking at his face.

"But...but you're a guy," he had really confused the hell outta me now, "why...no...I mean...what?"

He shrugged slightly, I almost missed the action but I caught it. I wanted to hit him for this, I wasn't cute. I couldn't be cute even if I tried, I smoked, swore and said some pretty nasty things about people who really didn't deserve it.

"Does it matter? You're cute," he stated again as he stood up, for that I was relieved.

He began to make his way back up the beach, leaving me alone to digest this particular flash he had given me. Vincent was now leaving me alone with my thoughts and I wasn't sure as to why he was doing all this. All I wanted right now was a cigarette before I kicked his ass and showed him how damn cute I could be. How dare he call me cute.

Vincent decided that he was going to try my temper and he retraced his steps back to me. He knelt down in front of me and placed his human hand on my face. I hadn't realised that I hadn't smoked since we had left the bar, at that point, I desperately sought one. My hands rested between my knees and I couldn't shake off that confused look I probably had.

My eyes widened as Vincent closed the distance between us and captured my lips in kiss. My heart stopped and I didn't know why he had just done that, I wasn't sure why I was allowing him but it wasn't something I wasn't going to tolerate for much longer.

I pushed him roughly away from me and got to my feet. I had never been so embarrassment, that confirmed it. Why had he kissed me? Was he mentally cracked our something? Did he really wanna die tonight from a severe kicking from a team mate?

Stepping away from him seemed like a good idea, "The hell...? What the fuck?"

Our friendship had just been blown clean out of the water, he wanted more from me and I wasn't sure I could give him that. All I knew was that he better keep his distance from me if he wanted to keep all his teeth in his jaw. Thankfully, he did that.

"Who the hell gave you the damn right to do that?" I hissed, a frustrated noise escaped from me, had I been leading him on? No...but...sharing beds, that close moment just a few minutes back when he had his arm around me.

I shook my head, running my hand through my hair, "Are you cracked?"

The comment was directed more at myself than Vincent but I still wanted him to explain himself for kissing me.

"No. Nobody gave me the right," at least he was honest, "but didn't you tell me that I should take what I want?"

Smart bastard was turning my words against me but it wasn't something I was going to let him get away with, "Take that again and I'll rip your fucking lungs out with a rusty spoon. Why did you kiss me?"

He smiled weakly, "Because I'm interested in you. God...I should like a five year old. I like you, alot. If I could get away with it, I would have jumped your bones every time we shared a room."

Saying something right now would be rather fatal to our friendship, I had to walk away before I did something wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

**Vincent's pov...**

I allowed Cid his time alone, I wanted to follow him but that would only cause him to retreat further away from me and he might not come back to me...to the hotel. My mind kept telling me that what I had done wasn't fair and if I had really been serious about him, then I would have done something sooner.

I could have perhaps made my feelings known when he had been at his lowest or during the lighter moments of our travelling but the fun times had been far and few between. If I had kissed him earlier during the past month then I would not have had the chance to stay by his side tonight f he had rejected me. I wouldn't have been able to share a room and watch over him.

My friendship with him was obviously ruined and all I could do was to keep quiet when we returned back to the airship to continue on with our mission. Well, that was a big if he returned to the airship, I wasn't sure he would now. Sitting on the bed, I pulled out my rather battered looking wallet and took out a few of the rather insane pictures that had been taken during our travels.

Cid was always smiling in them, constantly upbeat until we had hit Corel. Then he had started to shy away from the camera, I wasn't sure if that was because we were number one bad guys on the Shinra hit list or because he didn't see the point of it. The last one I had one of him truly smiling was when we had just reclaimed the airship from the air dock in Junon and had just rescued Tifa and Barret from the execution the enemy had planned to sate the fear of the planet.

I had a rather private one of him though, one I didn't want to share with the rest of the group. That one was kept in my pocket. Aeris had taken it just before she had left us and she had pressed it into my hand as we had our last conversation. I didn't know why she had but it was a pretty damn good picture.

Our normally boisterous captain had been leaning against the wing of the Tiny Bronco, gazing into the setting sun. It was a very clichéd thing but he looked peaceful and contented. He didn't have his flight goggles or one of his horrid smokes in his mouth, arms crossed. His flight jacket was resting on the wing and he actually had his gloves off. His eyes were closed and it seemed that he was enjoying the fading warmth of the sun.

Tifa had kept on taking pictures after Aeris had gone, saying that she was going to show either her own kids when she had some about all the wondrous people and places that existed on the planet or Barret's little girl. The camera had then been passed onto Cait Sith when the young woman had taken her leave to look after Cloud.

I wanted to get my hands on the film that he had right now. He had been with Cloud and Cid when we needed to get the huge materia from the underwater dock in Junon. He kept hinting that he had taken a couple of rather interesting ones of our captain but refused to disclose what.

"...I should have gotten hold of the camera and took a couple of him when he was sleeping," I muttered to myself as I picked up the TV remote and switched the telly on.

That sounded creepy after I voiced it, he wouldn't take to kindly to that kind of intrusion to his privacy. Though I sure as hell would have gotten some pretty darn cute and adorable ones. Something that Tifa nor Cait Sith would be able to get.

There was nothing on, all the channels were reporting on Meteor and those that weren't doing so directly were having chat shows talking about how it would affect it and what insane ideas would stop the whole thing. Everything ranging from what had already been tried: launching a rocket at it to singing songs.

I found it laughable really that the only thing that was going to save us was literally the power of prayer. A prayer said by the last Ancient who had fallen at the hands of Sephiroth. The planet now waiting for us to help it, for us to defeat the man waiting at it's core.

Cid and I had once spoken about chat shows at great length, I had no idea as to why. It's not something I would normally discuss at all so it surprised me to have an entire conversation based on what would they call a show about us. We could fuel an entire series of those shows, starting from I'm a cross dresser right up to I slept with my boss's wife and he locked me away in a coffin for over thirty years.

At the moment, I had switched onto somebody talking about all the bad things she had done in her life. Cheating on her husband and pimping out her body to get money, usual boring stuff. Part of me was glad that if the world ended, then it would stop this stupid need to air dirty laundry on public television.

I closed my eyes, trying to ignore how quiet the room was without my usual companion. Even if we didn't talk, my heightened senses would pick up his breathing and silent laughing when we watched some cheesy comedy. All I could do right now was to get some rest and hope that the morning brought some kind of miracle. I leant back and settled into the bed, not bothering to pull my covers over me.

The door to the room opened slowly and it took all my will power not to crack an eye open to see if it was Cid. I wanted too, more than anything on the planet but I didn't want to start a fight with him. We only had a king size bed and that was going to be a problem tonight if he was still seething over the kiss.

"I know you're awake," he said softly, "Come on, we have to go and catch the boat back to the airship."

So he was going to act like nothing happened? Fair enough, at least he didn't sound like he was going to kick my ass anytime soon though he was quieter than he had ever been and that made me uneasy.

I got off the bed and switched the TV off manually, "...yeah. Time for us to go back."

Cid it seemed had caught sight of the pictures on the bed and picked up the one that I usually kept in my breast pocket. The one of him looking nostalgic and he looked at me with the same look he had given me earlier right after I had kissed him.

"...you're fucking weird," he cursed but none of the anger he had earlier was in it.

A smile flickered on his lips before he turned and left the room. I quickly gathered the rest of the pictures and picked up on the fact that Cid still had the one that Aeris had given me. What was he going to do with it? It filled me with concern that he was going to destroy it or bin it.

He was already walking down the stairs when I left the room and I wondered if he would even engage in any kind of conversation with me. Shera had once told me that a calm and reasonable Cid Highwind is far more volatile and unpredictable creature than a ranting and raving one. At least with the angry Cid, you knew he was just blowing off steam.

"You found the reason why you want to battle Sephiroth?" I asked as I caught up with him.

Cid stopped and leaned against the wall in the stairwell, "Not yet but I ain't going to let my friends down by not showing up."

I was ready for shaking him, did he not hear what Cloud had said? We can't fight without a reason and if we didn't come back, it would be okay. I rubbed my forehead and suppressed a sigh.

"You need to have a reason," I said softly but somehow I knew that he was lying. He did have a reason but he couldn't or wouldn't admit to it.

"What are you fighting for?" Cid poked me in the chest, staying calm seemed to be a new trick he was doing really well.

I smiled, "Friendship. You guys are kinda like my first real friends and I don't wanna lose that."

The pilot nodded before making his move again down the stairs but like before, he stopped after a few steps. He wasn't acting like himself and it was throwing me off. I think I preferred him being angry to this new and calm version of him. I could handle the furious energy of the chief, that was easy.

"Though you're pretty damn willing to fuck up our friendship," he shook his head but he still had that calmness to himself, "You're lying. Why are you fighting?"

"Honestly?" I wanted to add, 'you won't hit me?' if I confessed but I knew that I would be pushing it.

"Yep."

How do I express words that would not be welcomed? I shrugged, a really small part of me wanting to turn back time and not kiss him. Another part wanted to plant a kiss on his lips and to take him right there. If I couldn't tell him, then I would show him but again, I'd probably be spending my last few days alive in traction.

"I want to think of you as more than just a friend but it's clear you don't want me to," I offered.

Nothing from him but he elegantly jumped the rest of the four steps out of the hotel. If I didn't know better, I'd say he was toying with me failing that...maybe he was stoned. I hated not knowing what was going on in his head, normally I would be able to with the greatest of ease but right now?

I shook my head but followed him out, half expecting him to ambush me and kick the crap out of me. I was tempted to call Shera to find out more about this new Cid I was encountering but I refrained. Calling Shera might cause Cid to really strike out at me.

No ambush or attack came as I felt the softness of the wind on my face, Cid didn't seem to say anything as he waited for me to catch up with him. He pulled out a smoke but looked at it with a second thought. The last one he had, he had let burn. Maybe it was his last one and perhaps he was going to save it for the last battle.

"Cid...are...are you alright? I mean, really?" frustratingly, he turned round and started over to the small dock. Now he was completely ignoring my questions.

"You coming or what?" Cid called over his shoulder, walking slowly over to the steps that lead the way to the dock.

The more I watched him, the more I was convinced that my friend had taken some kind of drug to change his attitude. No fire, passion or energy seemed to come from him and it was like he was walking around with his soul numb. What had I done?

It took us a few moments to get to the waiting boat, the loyal crewmen looked at us with mild interest but nothing else. As long as we paid our hundred gil to cross the water, then they didn't care. Not that I really cared either, they stayed out of our way if we agreed to help move some cargo as well when asked.

Cid paid our fare, he didn't even look back at me but he muttered something under his breath. He made a small gesture with his hand which I assumed was his version of 'i'm-going-to-my-room' and I let him go. At least for the moment so I could gather some courage to tackle him again.

**Cid's pov**

It took me a while to decide that I had to get back to the hotel room. I didn't want to face Vincent but I couldn't leave things the way they were. The guy had pretty much opened himself up for me and I had ran a flipping mile for his troubles.

I hadn't meant to, not really anyhow. I was just surprised as to how he felt about me, damn crazy son of a bitch thought I was cute. Last time I was cute was when I was a damn cranky little baby, dressed in the bog standard baby gear. How come Cloud and Barret get 'look how handsome those men are' or Vincent usually gets hauntingly beautiful and I'm stuck with cute?

The beach resort was practically empty and I had the entire shore to myself. I used that to my advantage, I kicked, screamed and shouted. Random insults to myself, Cloud, Vincent, Hojo, Sephiroth and the rest of AVALANCHE. Many different rants and languages slipped over my tongue as Cloud's and Hojo's and Sephiroth's mothers were a target of my rage for a good few minutes.

My throat was dry and hurt like hell by the time I had finished my insane rants, missing how Shera would usually creep into my room with a cup of tea after one of my many hissy fits at her. God...Shera...that poor woman I had tormented over the past couple of years, waiting patiently for either salvation or damnation from the one man who had wrongly cursed her life.

Somehow, don't ask me how though, I felt myself going and dialling my home in Rocket Town on my cell phone. Part of me hoping that I wouldn't need to speak to her but another desperately seeking to hear a voice of warm and calm reason. We had sorted out our differences after Palmer had launched the rocket a few weeks back, agreeing that while we couldn't go back in time and change it, we could at least build a stronger friendship from the charred remains of a once close and intimate relationship.

The phone was doing it's forth ring and I considered hanging up, she might be at her mother's or something. I had told her to get the hell outta Rocket Town, wanting her to be with her family if the shit really hit the fan.

"Hello?" a rough gentle voice emerged from the plastic I held in my hands, I must have woke her up.

"...hey. Did I wake ya?" I asked in a tone that I wasn't exactly known for.

"A little," Shera responded, I could hear her yawn.

I realised that she should have been with her mother or somebody right now. I had told her to go off and stay with someone, I didn't want her to die all alone in the house if we got our arses kicked and handed back to us from Sephiroth. Maybe I should have went home to make sure she went off somewhere.

"Thought I told ya to head over to your mum's," I scolded but only mildly, "I don't want you to be alone when...well, I just don't like the idea of you being alone."

"I'm alright," those two words crashed through my skull like sledgehammers.

I'm alright. Alright. Nothing was alright right now. Everything was not alright. Meteor, that flower girl dying, Cloud going nuts, the fall of the blasted Shinra and numerous different other things that had occurred and I was now faced with Shera. She claimed to be always alright, no matter what was happening.

"Are you alright?" Shera actually sounded concerned for me, not the quiet little mumble she would ask whenever I was in a really pissy mood because I couldn't do something because I was either to stoned or drunk to care.

"...Shera...I...you're a good person, ya know that right?" I stumbled, unsure what was going to tumble out from my mouth, "I don't deserve a friend like you but I needed you. You stopped me from going over..."

Thank god she stopped me from sounding like an idiot, "Stop that. Captain, as much as I like talking to the new and sensitive you, we've said all we had to in the escape pod."

Ouch, that fucking hurt but was this her way of trying to kick me out of her life ever so gently? We had spoken together when the town was celebrating the unconventional success of the rocket launch set by the human butterball that was fatman Palmer. I apologised as best I could, she had saved my worthless life and I would never doubt the girl's mechanical skills ever again for as long as I drew breath.

I still couldn't believe that I had the stupidity to question her when I asked about the status of the escape pod and if it was safe to use. I had felt the imaginary smack of the piece of wood against my skull as the words fell from my mouth and I had at least managed to look and sound apologetic for even thinking it.

"Listen Shera," I swallowed, my throat hurting like hell, "I need your advice on something."

She must have looked stunned as I asked that, it was rare for me to admit that I needed help on anything or to even want some advice from somebody that wasn't my own overblown ego. Maybe she would have an answer for me about how to deal with my current 6 foot problem.

"Go on..." thankfully she seemed curious though how would she react to me saying that I was thinking about a sexual relationship with a rather scary bloke?

"Someone made a...made a pass at me," I admitted expecting her to laugh out loud at that, "and I ran a mile."

I heard her ah ha softly, "Okay...do you like this person? Find them attractive?"

Did I find Vincent attractive? Did I even really like him as a person? I wouldn't have known if he had been alive if it hadn't been for AVALANCHE waltzing into town with the idea of stealing the Tiny Bronco. He was one hell of an attractive looking guy but I still didn't get why he had called me cute.

"...they called me cute," I replied softly, almost whining like a little girl "you believe that?"

Shera laughed lightly at that, "You can be. When you don't smoke or curse at some innocent little soul. Cid, I want you to be happy. That's all, maybe this person wants the same thing too."

After everything we had been through, she still thought I was cute? Dammit! Vincent wants to be happy, Shera wants to be happy and I want to be happy but Shera and Vincent both want me to be happy...did that damn woman know something about me that I didn't?

I looked at my watch, sighing mentally. Time for me to head back to the room and back to the damn boat. Little known fact, I hated travelling by water. Could fly over it no problem but when it came down to crossing or going underneath it, that was when the problems came. I get seasick. Badly but I sure as hell wasn't going to let that damn kleptomaniac who threw up on my airship know that.

Captain Cid Highwind was not known for throwing up on any mode of travel but I can't handle boats. Even just the thought of them sent shivers down my damn spine. Hell, I almost wound up in the corner of the damn Shinra sub that we stole, Cloud managed to get over his travel sickness once he was in the driver's seat but I couldn't relax until I was back up in the air. I still don't know why I felt so damn claustrophobic, but if men were meant to roam the ocean floor, we would have gills.

"Remind me to hide a spider in your closet when I get back," I teased tiredly, "I gotta go. Take care Shera."

No reply as I hung up but I didn't expect one. Doubted Shera would even expect me home within the next week, she was a bright girl. She knew the chances we were taking and what could happen if it went pear shaped.

Walking to the hotel felt like I was wading through mud. I felt tired, sore and my body was complaining about me not resting well at all these past few weeks. I had vowed to sleep after we saved the planet, a nice long hot bath with a cold beer right before fell into a nice comfy bed.

Didn't take long to reach the door and I could hear the television on from behind it. For a couple of seconds, I wondered if I had the right room. Vincent never watches TV, he doesn't like any of the programmes, not that I blame him. It is kinda crap but, I had taken a shining to the new Doctor Who series. That was kick ass.

Deliberately, I opened the door slowly. I wanted to make Vincent suffer for some reason, for anything really. I didn't really care why, I just felt like he had to be punished for something but I was just being petty. He had bared his soul and I had been scared. The former Turk was lying sleeping on the bed but I knew he wasn't. He was a very light sleeper and he seemed to be taking up most of the bed.

"I know you're awake," I said quietly not wanting to ruin the silence that had fallen, "Come on, we have to go and catch the boat back to the airship."

He seemed to pause for a long second before he opened his eyes, I don't know if he knew it but surprise flashed through them. The air between us however, became weird. The line of friendship we once had was still there though. Clinging for dear life.

Vincent with his usual grace got off the bed and he switched the telly off at the machine, "...yeah. Time for us to go back."

Seemed he had been looking at some pictures, they were all scattered across the bed. Loads of the group together but there was one that caught my attention. One had a fold across the middle, as though it had been placed in a wallet and was taken out on a regular basis. If he had this photo since Aeris had left, why hadn't he bothered to make his feelings clear then? Why now?

I had to say something but I knew I didn't mean it, "...you're fucking weird."

A smile tugged on my lips as I turned and left. I wasn't going to play easy and if he wanted a conversation, for once, he'd have to start one. My eyes kept looking at the picture I still had in my hands. The one Aeris had taken and I couldn't help but think about the brave little flower girl.

Strangely enough, I had began to feel calm. I could hear the light footsteps of Vincent quickly doing his best to catch up to me. I stayed a few steps in front of him, trying my best not to stop, fearing my own actions if I did.

"You found the reason why you want to battle Sephiroth?" he was slightly out of breath as he stayed a step behind.

I hadn't but I wasn't going to fully admit to it, not in a long month of Sundays. AVALANCHE needed all the insane bastards that it had managed to accumulate over the first few weeks of the real fight for the planet.

"Not yet but I ain't going to let my friends down by not showing up."

Vincent rubbed his head, was I annoying him? Had I said something to annoy the hell out of him? Oh good, that made me feel a little better about myself, knowing that I could still drive people up the fucking wall. Made me feel normal. Again, Vincent spoke in that quiet way he had.

"You need to have a reason," his tone made me think that I was simply lying to myself. That I did know.

Poking him in the chest, "What are you fighting for?"

A small part of me melted when he smiled so openly. It was a rare thing to see on the pale former Turk and I had to admit, he always looked better when he was smiling. He had the odd wrinkle in the corner of his eyes and it made him look normal when he showed emotions.

"Friendship. You guys are kinda like my first real friends and I don't wanna lose that," was his reply but was that a rehearsed answer?

That was his true reason though? Friendship? I don't think so...at least not really. I pondered the answer for a few more moments before I stopped at a couple of steps, did I really really wanna know the answer?

I couldn't bring myself to truly and utterly believe him, "Though you're pretty damn willing to fuck up our friendship. You're lying. Why are you fighting?"

The words 'but you'll hit me' seemed to scream after the one word answer he decided to give me, "Honestly?"

"Yep."

"I want to think of you as more than just a friend but it's clear that you don't want me to," Vincent had managed to find honesty might actually work and was keeping a respectful distance from me.

Still couldn't figure out why the hell he wanted to possibly be my first and last gay experience on the planet. Jumps and leaps were rather easy for me and I landed gracefully at the bottom of the stairs leading from the hotel. Vincent's body language screamed that he was confused as hell about my sudden actions and wanting to go back and change what he did. At least, I think he wants to change it.

If I couldn't determine what the hell I wanted, what made him sure that he knew what was best for me? For all I knew, I actually did want him to jump me and that I was scared as hell to make the first move.

I pulled out a smoke but decided against it. I was going to need to save a few of the white cancer sticks if I was planning on stubbing out a fag end on the mutilated corpse of that fucking idiot Sephiroth.

The dock wasn't that far from us and all I wanted was at least a couple hours sleep before I decided on what I would do with my remaining hours of freedom. Ignoring him probably wasn't the best thing as I had been the one to start this by telling him to take what he wants.

"Cid...are..." Vincent seemed to develop a stutter, "are you alright? I mean, really?"

Like hell I was but Highwinds weren't known for telling the truth when we were hurting, "You coming or what?"

There was silence after that. I even ignored the looks we for from the dock crew when I paid for the fare across the water but paying them meant that they didn't inform the Shinra that they had two of the most wanted people on the planet in the belly of the boat. Vincent helped with moving cargo during the trip but I spent more time in the room we shared, throwing up.

Once the fare was paid, I headed to the room. Ignoring my friend but I muttered about needing some sleep before I talked more openly. I motioned that I was heading to the room, really glad that Vincent had decided to stay behind for the moment.


End file.
